Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

While women have climbed quite high on the social ladder, not a single woman in our times has followed Queen Esther as

“The Jewish Queen.”

So, on Purim day, we undertook a worldwide search to find the closest thing we have to a Jewish Queen today. Here are our candidates:

• Chelsea Clinton Mezvinsky – Serious yichus, and married a “nice Jewish boy”
• Ivanka Trump – an Orthodox heiress with a designer shoe line
• Bar Rafaeli – Leonardo DiCaprio’s Israeli supermodel
• Gwyneth Paltrow – the Celebrity daughter of a rabbinic dynasty
• Natalie Portman – the Black Swan and Pride of Israel
• Madonna – She’s not Jewish, but loves Kabbalah
• Queen Rania of Jordan – Ok, she’s not Jewish either, but her next-door-neighbor is Israel

And that’s it! Oy vey, Achashveirosh wouldn’t have too many choices, now would he?

Happy Purim from NewsyJewsy!!

(In the spirit of Adar and joyfulness, this is for my friends in design….)

10. You’re filled with dread at the thought of designing for yet another annual dinner.
9. You search for “jewish” in all the stock photo sites.
8. You spend most of davening trying to figure out why the bima is 46 pixels off-center.
7. You can’t stand that Yiddish-looking English font from the Lower East Side.
6. Come summer, and you’re still wondering if your client spelled “Chanukah” right.
5. Your clients have to get back to you tomorrow because they need to talk to their Israel office.
4. You’re grossed out by the Jewish Press.
3. On Fridays you add “good shabbos” to your emails.
2. It’s really weird, but your clients all know each other.

And the number one way you know you’re a Jewish graphic designer….

1. Your shul has already asked you for free work. And um, you’ve said yes.

Are you a designer? Anything to add?

10. You tweet @YeahThatsKosher before making any reservations for dinner.

9. You sang Hatikva when @israel was purchased by the State of Israel.

8. Your biggest goal in life is to rank high on the #jta100 from @jtanews.

7. Tweets from @jewishbloggers fill your stream non-stop, but for some reason, you just can’t unfollow.

6. Your poskim are @dovbear @JYuter @e_fink, @noahroth and @MarkSoFla.

5. You’ve re-tweeted @JewishIdeas at least once.

4. Your favorite Jewish news source is @Daroff. Everyone else just repeats each other.

3. You were genuinely rejoicing for all of humanity when @EstherK got to #Limmud in the #snowstorm.

2. You’re wondering why @ELALUSA exists on #twitter if it’s not giving out free flights every day.

And the #1 way you know you’re a True Jewish Twit…

1. At least one Jews for Jesus dude is following you and you, um, don’t follow him back.

Can you add to this list? Comments welcome!