Posts Tagged ‘kosher restaurants’

As most of us are dreading the upcoming “three-day” chag, we here at Newsy Jewsy came up with a few tips to help you survive it – and actually make it through feeling great!

Here are our tips:

• Memorize all your status updates as they occur, so you can post them immediately after Yom Tov. (You know, at the pizza shop.) The best way to memorize them is to recite each 100 times as you walk to and from shul. The correct response to “Good Yutif/Good Shabbos” is simply a smile.
• Always walk around with a sefer. If you’re single, your shidduch chances go up exponentially. If not, at least you’ll have an excuse to duck when Aunt Shelly starts yapping about this or that.
• The moment Hallel goes over 2.38 minutes, just slap your forehead with your palm, and run out of shul like you forgot something. If you want to come back in, just bring that handy sefer. Works every time.
• Bring ear plugs to shul in case the rabbi’s drasha is too loud.
• At the start of mussaf, remember to bang on the nearest hard surface so everyone knows you remembered it was Yom Tov.
• Remember the halacha – If there is no cholent at Kiddush, skip it, there’s plenty of food at home. If there is cholent, but no MEAT in it, skip it. If there is no cholent, but there is potato kugel, some say skip it, others are meikil and permit it.
• Forget the shower. When things get tough, make this yeshiva-style ready-mix in just five minutes: Stir 2 parts deodorant, 2 parts air freshener, and 1 part Shout. Spray ready-mix on clothes, toilets, or the person’s seat next to you as necessary. It’s all good.
• Always nap like it’s Shabbos. Even if it’s Thursday.
• Bolt out before havdallah and find the nearest pizza shop. Give us your status updates: Did you survive your Three-Day Yom Tov??

Chag Sameach everyone!

A frum man and his four kids walk into a restaurant in Central New Jersey.

How do I know they’re not from around here?

First, the man walks into the store, ascertains with one quick glance that there are frum people in the store and immediately feels at ease, knowing that he is, in fact, in a kosher restaurant.

Next, he asks the lady behind the counter, “Do I have to pay the meter?” “No,” she says, “not after 6 pm.”

The family proceeds to make a lot of noise, discussing the merits of ordering this or that dish. It seems like the whole restaurant is in an uproar.

Upon finalizing their orders, the man asks the lady which way is East. He and his two teenage sons immediately begin davening mincha in the middle of the restaurant, with no concern that there are individuals seated or walking in front of them. No, they aren’t from around here.

Then they continue to stand around and wander in the restaurant while waiting for their orders, despite the fact that everyone else is sitting and relaxed, and there are plenty of seats. They are making us all nervous.

One of the daughters is around 12 and is wearing a “biz” skirt and button down shirt. Yeah. Not our town. The other daughter is about 8 and already feels the need to wear huge black sunglasses as a stylish headband. Yeah, that’s not our town either. The father and the two boys are dressed EXACTLY the same as each other – white shirts, black pants, and black velvet kippahs.

Within 5 minutes of their arrival, I know this family is not from around here. If you will allow me to guess, I would guess they’re from Flatbush.

It’s amazing how culture is so specific to location. We are all “frum,” but clearly very different. Anyone know why? Do we create our own culture? What other factors influence us? What aspects of culture do we all have in common?

American Jewry has arrived. We now have the opportunity to turn our attention to the finer things in life: gourmet foods with a culturally diverse palette, imported elegant wines of the finest vintage, and high quality restaurants with good service. And it’s all kosher. Because we made it so.

In our grandparents’ generation, things in America were simple. You worked hard at your job, you cooked your own food, you spent time with the family, and you were happy. That was it.

In our parents’ generation, there was more wealth to go around. Couples bought houses in the suburbs, new shuls were built, kosher restaurants opened, people you and I know started wearing designer clothes, and the kids went to summer camp. Jews kind of settled in, developed their communities, and got used to American life.

I was one of those kids who went to summer camp. And let me tell you, our generation has a lot of expectations. And it’s not our fault…that’s how we grew up! We want nice clothes, we want two cars, we want expensive vacations, we want nice wines, we want to go to fancy restaurants, we want good service, and we want good quality. And all at the best prices.

This is reality. This is what we want. And in certain parts of our community, we also want a nice chasan watch, a fancy set of china, beautiful bedding, and a chandelier above the shabbos table. We must admit, as a community, we’ve gotten pretty comfortable here in America. Our lives are a far cry from how our grandparents lived.

It’s not a bad thing though – I think it’s great! With our increased wealth, we’ve had the time and energy to devote to creating quality experiences. We’ve had the money to redo our kitchen with granite countertops. We’ve had the energy to open restaurants that non-Jews would hardly guess were kosher. And we’ve been able to buy iPhones for our kids.

It’s a good coming-of-age story. Each generation has seen better and better for its children.
Unfortunately, this is why the tuition crisis is so intense. Because we want everything. We can’t just live the simple life. Once we’ve tasted the Gourmet Life, we can’t go back.

What do you think about the “Gourmet”ing of American Jewry?