Archive for the ‘Funny Stuff’ Category

It’s ironic that the story of Bin Laden’s death was first broken on Twitter—especially since he was such a social media loser.

Top Ten Ways You Know Bin Laden
was a Social Media Loser

1. He was literally “living in a cave” for years.
2. He started a profile on Facebook, but there was no way to input more than one wife.
3. His grandkids tried to get him on skype, but they could never verify with 100% certainty that it was really his voice.
4. He gave up Twitter when he found out the 72 virgins who were following him were fake.
5. He couldn’t figure out how to use Foursquare (Darn!).
6. He wanted a smartphone—but his parents said he’d have to earn it by getting a real job.
7. He gave up on email, because he kept getting “Your message cannot be sent to undisclosed recipients.”
8. He tried playing Farmville, but then he realized HE was the animal.
9. He tried a blog, but he forgot the password, and someone burned it with the trash.
10. With that beard, who would have dated him on e-harmony anyway?

Anyone have any to add?

While women have climbed quite high on the social ladder, not a single woman in our times has followed Queen Esther as

“The Jewish Queen.”

So, on Purim day, we undertook a worldwide search to find the closest thing we have to a Jewish Queen today. Here are our candidates:

• Chelsea Clinton Mezvinsky – Serious yichus, and married a “nice Jewish boy”
• Ivanka Trump – an Orthodox heiress with a designer shoe line
• Bar Rafaeli – Leonardo DiCaprio’s Israeli supermodel
• Gwyneth Paltrow – the Celebrity daughter of a rabbinic dynasty
• Natalie Portman – the Black Swan and Pride of Israel
• Madonna – She’s not Jewish, but loves Kabbalah
• Queen Rania of Jordan – Ok, she’s not Jewish either, but her next-door-neighbor is Israel

And that’s it! Oy vey, Achashveirosh wouldn’t have too many choices, now would he?

Happy Purim from NewsyJewsy!!

10. You’re filled with dread at the thought of designing for yet another annual dinner.
9. You search for “jewish” in all the stock photo sites.
8. You spend most of davening trying to figure out why the bima is 46 pixels off-center.
7. You can’t stand that Yiddish-looking English font from the Lower East Side.
6. Come summer, and you’re still wondering if your client spelled “Chanukah” right.
5. Your clients have to get back to you tomorrow because they need to talk to their Israel office.
4. You’re grossed out by the Jewish Press.
3. On Fridays you add “good shabbos” to your emails.
2. It’s really weird, but your clients all know each other.

And the number one way you know you’re a Jewish graphic designer….

1. Your shul has already asked you for free work. And um, you’ve said yes.

Are you a designer? Anything to add?