Archive for the ‘Funny Stuff’ Category

Top 5 Ways You Know You Aren’t Over Pesach Yet

Facebook Twitter Plusone Pinterest Email

It’s Pesach Sheni and a full month has passed. And yet you find yourself still strangely in the clutches of that surreal post-Pesach fog. It’s bizarre, it’s weird, it feels odd, but it’s…real.

To better treat your unfortunate malady, we here at Newsy Jewsy developed a diagnostic tool to determine the extent of your problem. And as a free service to you, we offer you here the top five ways you know you haven’t gotten over Pesach yet:

5. You still lunge at a fresh piece of bread – as eagerly as you did motzaei yom tov.

4. You still haven’t uploaded the album “Pesach 2012” to fb.

3. When you see people, you’re still asking with that annoying tone (and as if it really matters), “So where were you for Pesach…?”

2. You still check the scale every day with the desperate hope of meeting your pre-Pesach weight.

And the most precise way you know you haven’t gotten over Pesach yet:

1. You’ve actually been caught enthusiastically discussing Pesach plans for next year.

If you suffer from any of these emotional disturbances, it is recommended that you begin to make changes in your life that will help you move past Pesach. This is imperative, as you will need your wits about you and your mind at its sharpest – especially since we begin Pesach cleaning next week.

Happy Pesach Sheni everyone!

Facebook Twitter Plusone Pinterest Email


Facebook Twitter Plusone Pinterest Email

The “Shalit shirt” is now selling like hotcakes in Gaza. Yes, we’re talking about that adorable little button-down with the black wings and super-stylish collar. So take note: Hamas is not just a terrorist organization, but a true trendsetter in the great, wide world of fashion.

Loathe to miss a fashion beat, we here at NewsyJewsy got an exclusive look at their Spring 2012 line, called BOMBERBABY by HAMAS. This elegant collection is bound to be a quick hit right off the runways, as it pairs hot new trends with practical features every terrorist needs.

Check out some of the highlights of the collection below:

Directly inspired by the now famous “Shalit shirt,” these gorgeous ties are the epitome of high fashion and great style. Get ready, because Hamas will be discounting these beauties at Gaza Fashion Week to benefit their new non-profit, Guns4Kids.

We caught a senior Hamas official wearing this black and white pullover to an elegant evening at the glitzy Rocket Factory. This piece is inspired by the animal in all of them.

This knight-in-shining-armor is a nod to the great medieval period, when Islam ruled much of the world. With its touch of militant flair and smart pizazz, any Hamas terrorist will look great sporting this piece.

Made in Japan with hand-dyed cotton, this exquisite pair of pantaloons was inspired by the underwear bomber. It’s fully lined and conceals most types of explosives.

Drawing the green hue from its own beautiful flag, Hamas paired a cute Nazi jacket with Middle Eastern sandals. With its elegant silhouette, this ensemble exudes pride in Hamas.

With its mocking nod to Western business attire, this outfit is the perfect choice for the suicide bomber. The suit passes muster at security checkpoints, and the trendsetting bag holds up to 50 lb.

For HAMAS’ debut, it’s a truly impressive collection. The BOMBERBABY by HAMAS is due in stores at the end of December. But for the Gazan comsumer, it can’t come soon enough.

Stay tuned as we track this hot new designer and gear up for Fall 2012!

Facebook Twitter Plusone Pinterest Email

When I’m 80, and Still on Facebook

Facebook Twitter Plusone Pinterest Email

The stats say that many “older folks” have taken to social media in recent years, but we all know that a) they’re in their 60s and, by today’s standards, that’s not old, and b) they’re often light users, just using it to see pics of the grandkids. But now let’s imagine, what we, the “Facebook Generation” will sound like when we’re 80….

Here are a few possibilities:

  • Photo Comment: “omg, u look awesome in this pic, where’d u get ur teeth from?”
  • Profile Birthday Year: “It’s Complicated.”
  • Status Update: “Need 2 borrow a size 20 gown 4 my great grandson’s bar mitzvah, any1 have anything?”
  • Like: “AARP Fan Page”
  • Video Share: Maccabeats’ “Candlelight”….omg, weren’t those boys handsome?
  • Status Update: “My DH needs a walker, can u recommend 1 that is sturdy but not too expensive?”
  • Photo Album: “Sitting by the pool in Florida” – The Next Photo Album: “Sitting by the pool in Florida.”
  • Video Share: Youtube – “New Drug Helps Urinary Tract Infections.”
  • Like: “Silly Bands”…omg, remember those??
  • Status Update: “Thinking of getting grey highlights in my sheitel, what do u think?”
Facebook Twitter Plusone Pinterest Email