Posts Tagged ‘kosher’

Crazy Jewish Jobs We All Need Sometimes

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We all know that being Orthodox is tough. Between holidays, family, and shul, there’s a LOT going on. So when you’re stressed, it’s nice to know you can call on one of these well-trained professionals:

Deputy Assistant, Shul Politics:

Sits with you at all shul meetings, including sub-sub-sub committee meetings. Pulls up data on his iPad to support your arguments. Advances your position as an influencer in the shul. Is on the other side of the room at Kiddush talking to that big-time donor when you can’t be.

Rabbinic Kitchen Design Consultant:

Consults to homeowners on halachah and the latest kitchen appliances. Areas of expertise include shabbos ovens, warming drawers, and fridge lights. Offers a Halachic Kitchen Certification so your crazy frum friends know they can eat at your house.

Chometz Management Consultant:

Helps you get rid of every last crumb before Pesach. Incredible attention to detail. Strong sense of smell. Services available starting Isru Chag the previous Pesach.

Personal Shabbos Goy:

Lives-in Friday nights. Assists with all muktza matters, turning on lights, dishwasher, oven, TV, whatever is needed. Comes with you to shul, spends the afternoon with you, whether at home or at a friend’s. Will also update your facebook status from “eating shabbos meal” to “sleeping.”

Frum Family Coordinator:

Visits Bubbe at the hospital when you can’t be there. Calls Tante Rochel in Israel to invite yourself, your spouse, and your eight kids to her tiny apartment for Sukkos. Arranges for your in-laws to get you a spa gift certificate for your birthday. Texts the kids in the other room to turn the TV down so the neighbors don’t know you have a TV. Takes the stress out of family.


Always daven b’tzibbur! Nine or ten men will join you in your home, office, or personal shteibel. No need to go to shul. Available for Shacharis, Mincha, and Maariv, all days of the week. Also available to join you for Tefilas Haderech in NYC taxis.

Thank you to Avi Conway at Prime Media Distribution for inspiring this post.

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The “Gourmet”ing of American Jewry

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American Jewry has arrived. We now have the opportunity to turn our attention to the finer things in life: gourmet foods with a culturally diverse palette, imported elegant wines of the finest vintage, and high quality restaurants with good service. And it’s all kosher. Because we made it so.

In our grandparents’ generation, things in America were simple. You worked hard at your job, you cooked your own food, you spent time with the family, and you were happy. That was it.

In our parents’ generation, there was more wealth to go around. Couples bought houses in the suburbs, new shuls were built, kosher restaurants opened, people you and I know started wearing designer clothes, and the kids went to summer camp. Jews kind of settled in, developed their communities, and got used to American life.

I was one of those kids who went to summer camp. And let me tell you, our generation has a lot of expectations. And it’s not our fault…that’s how we grew up! We want nice clothes, we want two cars, we want expensive vacations, we want nice wines, we want to go to fancy restaurants, we want good service, and we want good quality. And all at the best prices.

This is reality. This is what we want. And in certain parts of our community, we also want a nice chasan watch, a fancy set of china, beautiful bedding, and a chandelier above the shabbos table. We must admit, as a community, we’ve gotten pretty comfortable here in America. Our lives are a far cry from how our grandparents lived.

It’s not a bad thing though – I think it’s great! With our increased wealth, we’ve had the time and energy to devote to creating quality experiences. We’ve had the money to redo our kitchen with granite countertops. We’ve had the energy to open restaurants that non-Jews would hardly guess were kosher. And we’ve been able to buy iPhones for our kids.

It’s a good coming-of-age story. Each generation has seen better and better for its children.
Unfortunately, this is why the tuition crisis is so intense. Because we want everything. We can’t just live the simple life. Once we’ve tasted the Gourmet Life, we can’t go back.

What do you think about the “Gourmet”ing of American Jewry?

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